I glimpsed it this week. I glimpsed the abyss of hopelessness and despair.
I had an extremely emotionally charged and stressful week last week and weekend. Consequently, on Monday morning, I woke to feeling that if I had one more difficult situation added to my plate I would tip into the abyss. I was truly at the end of what I could handle on my own.
I’m sure I’m the only one who has ever experienced this. I’m sure I’m the only one who has ever felt my toes were hanging over the edge.
No, I know I am not alone in my despair. If I was alone I wouldn’t be surrounded by a world that screams of despair, a world where we hear daily of the results of despair.
I am not walking in despair today. I was pulled off the ledge and am walking in a new hope. Why did that happen to me and it isn’t happening for so many others?
I have learned the secret, the secret of finding hope in despair.
As I sat in my chair viewing all the stresses on my plate I had to admit I was tapped out and needed someone to stand in the gap for me. I did not have the energy to take one more step, alone. I was not strong enough, determined enough, empowered enough to do it alone. No amount of positive thinking would get me off the ledge.
All of that takes me. If I was “enough” I wouldn’t be on the ledge.
I sounded the battle cry. These were my steps:
- I cried out to the LORD. My heart sang, I need you LORD, I need you. I call on the LORD in my distress, and he answers me. (Psalm 120:1)
- I cried heavy tears. The release of tears was a release of my self will.
- I petitioned some faithful prayer warriors to pray on my behalf. I reached out and asked them to stand in the gap for me while I got my bearings. I did not fight the battle for hope on my own.
- I took a hot shower. As I stood there in tears I could feel the rush of despair and anxiousness begin to wash away and slowly God’s hope and strength took root again. I could feel the prayers of my warriors.
Did you catch the secret? I exposed my despair and took it into the Light. Once exposed the Light began to overpower the darkness. That’s the beauty of the Light. As the Light seeps in the darkness is overcome.
Despair comes when we keep things in the dark and do not invite in the Light. Despair comes when we think we must do it alone.
When I stepped out of the shower I felt the confidence to tackle a specific issue with honesty and in return I received kind words instead of the anger that could have come. Immediately after that I received a text from a co-worker that soothed my soul. The darkness was fading and I was not overcome.
Hope was rising.
God heard my cry. Friends and family stood in the gap. Where two or three are gathered in His name, there He is. (Matthew 18:20) Hope was restored.
Expose the secret. Do not stand in the darkness. Do not stand alone.
We are not alone unless we choose to be alone.
Hope is rising.